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about

hey, there. sorry if the quality kind of sucks. this is the first time i've ever recorded an album and did pretty much everything, from recording to mixing, so if it's a bit wonky at times s'my bad. i can only get better from here, riiiiiight?

these songs were written over a period of extreme isolation and depression. one of them's about my cat, which is also the namesake of the record. thanks, max.

not really sure what else to say besides i hope you like it!

credits

released November 19, 2016

marc pemberton - everything

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about

The New Adventures Kokomo, Indiana

a sad punk rock band

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Track Name: Dry Mouth
i got this dry mouth from saying a few words. i guess i just won't speak for a while. unlearn these social norms of what it's like to be around these people, fuck, why can't i speak?

i never wanted to be this strange misshapen alien that's inside of me, and i hope that i can someday be the man that everyone wants me to be, but that's bullshit to me.

goddamn i'm so weird. no matter what i say. getting older doesn't help as i still struggle day by day. it seems so futile. i'm never going to change. there's this weird thought in my head that says 'you like being this way.'

why am i doing this to myself. i'm gonna crash and burn and rot in hell.
Track Name: Black Sheep
i'm the black sheep of my fucking family, and there goes everyone i know. without even hesitating. it must be disappointing for anyone to even look at me and to see. what a waste of a human being.

maybe i could finally use my degree. so i can be my own source of misery, i'm a fucking failure, what a goddamn leech, nobody cares.

every day. i can't be. what i want to be. oh, my god. why can't i just be anything?

maybe i could finally use my degree. to get out of my parents house and save up for my own. so i can live my life with a place to call home. in the great search for happiness i'll still try to find misguided hope where i lay down at night.
Track Name: Max
there's somebody knocking at my door but i already know who it is. it's my cat max and it sounds like he really wants the attention, not that i can blame him.

but sometimes i'll just leave him outside my door so things can go back to the way they were before, and i never know what to do when anyone tries to get close to me, so instead i'll just panic and hide in my room.

there's nobody knocking at my door and i already know the reasons why. it's because i couldn't ever find the courage or spare my time to be a part of peoples' lives.
Track Name: A Conversation With Myself
'hey, man. haven't you had enough? of beating yourself up, you don't have to be so tough. how much longer 'til you're done with this facade? we're all worried about you. i really hope you open up. and i know it sucks right now, and i know you wish you knew how to be the kind of person that people like, do you even want to be alive?'

'fuck you, you're a fucking prick. why do you care right now when you never even gave a shit? i know you just want to help, and i know i'm not alright, this is me lashing out, i hope i'm running out of time. every time i speak out loud there's an even thinner crowd. who am i supposed to talk to when i force them all away? i know it's all my fault, i deserve this pain.'

please tell me that i'm good enough.
Track Name: Homeschooled
try to shake off all of the cobwebs. all that comes back is memories. of how i couldn't, wouldn't, or shouldn't. and now that reluctance is coming back to haunt me.

i remember when i was eighteen. my eyes were red from crying under a tree. i knew it then and there what i wasn't. 'i am not a human being.'

i never really felt like everyone else i saw. growing up with only my family around. it was a den of silence, whispers, and quiet. 'til my parents yelled 'i'm leaving town.'

how did other kids grow up with violence? like the same way i had in my life. except they hadn't, they all seemed happy. their love was known with any exceptions unbound.

yet here i am, i'll complain, i don't have any shame to not even really bother to change. if love ever finds me i'll probably find some reason to run away.

i just knew that i would do anything for you.