1. |
Morlock
02:47
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When the news came down. I couldn’t figure out. What I was supposed to do. Now we had to bury you. And it hurt my soul. Because I didn’t tell you at all. Because I didn’t tell you at all.
But it was rainy and cold, you weren’t even that old when we put you in the ground, we were shocked as we found out you were supposed to be home on that Monday, you should have left the hospital, you should be alive today. I’ve never dealt with death, and I have a lot of regrets, but not saying goodbye to you will haunt me as I couldn’t move. My body felt numb. I just wanted to leave. Now who could I look up to? Out of all the people there was only you, but now you’re dead!
So when I came home I still couldn’t believe. Everything was going so well but now I’d dropped onto my knees. Life felt unstable, or was it all in my head? I couldn’t cope, what a way to go, will I ever stop thinking I should die?
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2. |
Scatterbrained
01:48
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I tried my best not to cry at work, I didn’t take time off which was a bit absurd. I kept telling myself I’d fall more into debt if I didn’t keep busy to steady my shaky hands. During idle hours I would think of you, all the details from the funeral kept creeping back while I couldn’t process my grief it was all too much to handle with an already failing head.
Its been hard for me to try and fall asleep especially when I keep having FUCKED UP DREAMS like when somebody’s chasing me and wants me dead, or a girl I’ve loved having sex with another man. At times its felt like my mind’s out to get me, with tired eyes and a tongue that kept twisting. I wasn’t safe alone with my thoughts, deep seated hate was moving to the fore front.
Guess I’ll keep posting on the internet. (JUST KEEP IGNORING. JUST KEEP IGNORING) Wondering if I’ll ever be okay. (CAN SOMEONE KILL ME? WILL SOMEONE KILL ME?) Blame myself for every little thing. (YOU NEVER SAW HIM. YOU NEVER SAW HIM.) How much can I take before I need help?
Your death was a catalyst for everything like my failing mental health and anxiety. I wonder if right now you’d be proud of me, but I didn’t even know how much I needed you to live.
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3. |
40 Oz.
04:14
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For so long I felt jaded, hell I think I still am. Just wanna try and forget, so I’ll take another sip. Come on, come on now. (COME ON, COME ON NOW!) Get off the floor now! (GET OFF THE FLOOR NOW!) Come on, come on now. (COME ON, COME ON NOW!) Get off the floor now.
I’m not sure what I’m saying anyways, and I don’t even know what I’m thinking. I only ever know how to complain, so let me go and run my mouth. (woooooaaaaaAAAAAHHHHHH!)
Let me burn my brain out, let me fuck up how I feel. Grab another six pack, drink it fast until shit’s real. Come on, come on now. (COME ON, COME ON NOW!) Get off the floor now! (GET OFF THE FLOOR NOW!) Come on, come on now. (COME ON, COME ON NOW!) Get off the floor now.
I will stumble as I get up and display a lifetime amount of depression! Unless I burnout and sleep off the day. I’m no use to anyone at all.
I’m not sober, but I’m not off the rails. I’m coping with this loss with another beer I shouldn’t cough up the dough for. ‘Cause I got bills to pay. This unnecessary stress can only be summed up best with bottles of forties rolling on the floor. I’ll wait out the night until I think that I want more. Cash out of pocket, this is getting out of hand. I don’t know if my head can keep up with this demand, but I’ll try. Oh, I’ll try.
I’m having trouble standing! Guess that means I got what I want! This double visions’ blinding. Am I even still on planet Earth? Will this feeling last forever? How much more can I hurt myself? I’d rather lose my senses than have to feel this way again. Again!
I think I’m insane! I must be insane! I’m going insane! I know I’m insane!
Come on, come on now! (COME ON, COME ON NOW!) Get off the floor now! (GET OFF THE FLOOR NOW!) Come on, come on now! (COME ON, COME ON NOW!) Stop being depressed now
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4. |
Ben Cronin (Swimfan)
03:01
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I know it sounds cold, but I got a sinking feeling that I’ll never see you again. The idea of heaven is old, and I don’t do that kind of believing, so I probably won’t see you when I’m dead.
We tried our best to understand what just happened, but go figure it didn’t take long. For an army of white coats to protect each other’s interest despite having hurt everyone.
‘Cause the doctors don’t care, and the lawyers don’t get paid enough, and everybody’s wondering how much more you can take until you’ve gone mad, or are highly delusional, I guess loss is another part of God’s fucked up funeral.
I won’t trust a fucking MD until I won’t have a choice to receive medical care. Malpractice abound THEY DON’T GIVE A SHIT, IT’S NOT THEIR FAMILY, IT’S ALL JUST A FUCKING NIGHTMARE!
These institutions are doing us in one by one. They’ll eventually have us cornered and win. Maybe I’m too weak to ever be the kind of person to make a drastic change BEFORE WE ALL HAVE NOTHING LEFT.
How much more could they possibly want from me? I only have so much to give. Soon enough they’ll have it all as if they don’t already, their selfish ways have got to their heads. But soon enough I will be dead. So they can profit from my poorly made bed.
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5. |
Imposter Syndrome
02:21
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I’ve got imposter syndrome, baby! That’s why I only write short songs ‘cause I’m scared everyone will hate the long ones. I’ve got imposter syndrome baby! Everything I do will always be fake, chalk it up to luck and throw me the fuck away.
As I struggle to play guitar. As I can barely reach these notes. (What in the fuck AM I DOING!?) The only thing I want to do is not to feel alone, I don’t wanna be alone!
I’ve got imposter syndrome, baby! And I won’t amount to anything! When will I learn I’ll never be good enough? I’ve got imposter syndrome, baby! Why the fuck am I so livid? Maybe it’s ‘cause I know I’m not what I envision.
Maybe I’m just not talented enough. To be someone people would love. Maybe it all stems from me not wanting to be alone, I don’t wanna be alone!
The reason why I bother to try my hand at anything is I’m a lonely son of a bitch and I’ve heard love’s a possibility, which is why I get so disappointed when nothing ever works out ‘cause the only reason I have for trying anything is wanting to be loved!
I’m falling down. I’m falling down! I haven’t hit the ground. Can someone save me now!?
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6. |
Tylor's Couch
01:26
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I was laying on Tylor's couch when I knew that I hated myself. What a waste of vacation time when I can't even escape from my mind.
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7. |
Rad Bradford
02:00
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When I called to get help, I cried over the phone. It was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. Then I walked into the clinic, despite getting lost on the way. I almost turned my car around. But I pushed on through, and I talked ‘til my lips were blue, and I re-remembered all the hard shit from my life. She asked if I wanted to end my life, and I said yes, but I still wanted to be alive.
It was a lot of work, and took a lot of time and medicine to get my brain on track. I’m still anxious every day, and it’s hard to make some friends, but I’m not depressed and I haven’t been in some time.
What a wonder it is to be. A somewhat functioning human being. I can only get better from here. But I still have so much to fear.
Like dying alone, and failing from home. With everything I ever want to do. But I’ll still try, like when I called and cried. Because no matter what. I gotta live. My life until. I'm dead and am a corpse in the ground.
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8. |
Sweet Chin Music
02:12
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How the fuck do I / Tend to live my life / Not sure how to make RESPONSIBILITY / Living on my own / Haven’t got their yet / Someday soon I hope I’ll KEEP ON DREAMING / Wanna own a home / If that’s possible / As long as any MONEY COMES IN / I’d take anything / To live this dream / But I know that it’s SKEWED AGAINST ME
This life is a joke, we’re all trying but we’re broke, we’re all holding onto ANY KIND OF POSITIVE. From paycheck to paycheck, we gotta make that rent. This generation’s FUCKED WE’LL ALL LIVE IN TENTS
Gotta love it when / Boomers make pretend / A plight that they’ve NEVER DEALT WITH / Rising prices in / Student loans and rent / Food and gas along with ALL THAT GOOD SHIT / That we need to live / Tell me once again / How much I am a SPOILED RICH KID / Grew up in poverty / You’ve never known me / Get your facts straight or you’ll HIT THE CEMENT
I can feel their judgement gaze, I’ll still keep myself away from any kind of BULLSHIT PROPAGANDA / That tells me that I’m fake for living on the brink of absolute DESPAIR AND DESPERATION / You know a system’s fucked when it has to try so much to keep its people DOWN AND IN THE DUMPS / Gotta keep on moving past all this bullshit they’ve amassed, until they know that WE WILL END UP LAST
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9. |
Hang Glider
03:08
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I want to throw away. All of my fuck ups and all of my hate.
I’ve made mistakes. And it’s hard for me to keep all my shit straight.
I wish I could. Be the one who always understood.
But I have to remind. Myself with a unconditional line.
Open your eyes
Reach deep inside
With love you’ll find
Someone who’s kind.
I never saw. Myself in a position where I had it all.
I always thought. I’d do everything alone until I fall.
From where I’m standing. Maybe it’s not meant out to be.
This real grand sighting. Has always looked so much nicer from afar.
I’m not cut out for this.
I’m just like Doubting Thomas.
Open your eyes. (I’m not cut out for this!)
Look deep inside. (I’m just like doubting Thomas!)
With love you’ll find. (I’m not cut out for thiiiiis!)
Someone who’s kind.
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10. |
Am I Dying
03:19
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I’ve come to accept that I can’t contain a life, but when someone dies I still internalize all the times I should have been there or at least made an effort to try.
Sorrow and regret seem to follow as my friend Dylan died, and my Grandma passed from cancer. I can’t see how I’d return to a god for my answers. And I don’t like how I respond to my loved ones deaths. I’ll keep to myself and wait it out in my head.
I should say “I love you” more to everyone I know, but I don't have much experience in living that life. Where I show love and receive it, nobody seems to care so instead I’ll keep quiet.
Drunk and alone it’s probably for the best. Before I go onto Twitter and type some dumb fucking tweets. My whole life I’ve always felt like I’m a fucking deadbeat. And I’ll fuck it all up, just like how I have before. It’s not very difficult, I’ll just keep lying on the floor. HEY!
I’LL RUN AWAY
HERE’S SOMETHING THAT I LEARNED FROM THERAPY, IS THAT OUR LIVES AREN’T WORTHLESS. WE HAVE SO MUCH TO GIVE. THESE PAST FEW YEARS HAVE BEEN TOUGH BUT I’M STILL RIGHT FUCKING HERE. WE’LL ALL BE ALRIGHT, WE HAVE A PLACE IN THIS WORLD. HERE’S A MANTRA FOR YOU, “I DON’T DESERVE TO DIE.”
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The New Adventures Lafayette, Indiana
a one man punk rock band. my debut full-length 'morlock' is now available!
The New Adventures recommends:
it's good shit
go to albumIf you like The New Adventures, you may also like:
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